Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire delivers on the action and spectacle, but it’s dragged down by its human elements. It’s a blow-it-up-and-don’t-ask-questions kind of movie, perfect for a mindless monster mayhem marathon.
Where do I even begin with Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire? Let’s cut straight to the rating: I’m handing out a 6/10 for this one, with 7 points going to the monsters and titans themselves, but unfortunately, the human characters take a -1 hit.
To set the stage, imagine Godzilla doing his best Goku impression, going full Super Saiyan mode, and even surpassing that to reach what I can only describe as God-Saiyan-Zilla. He straight up goes and murders another Titan, using its home to harness more energy and becoming even more radioactive (but the world is fine). Meanwhile, Kong’s rocking a Kratos vibe straight out of God of War, complete with battle scars, a long beard, and an axe. But when it comes to the humans, well, they’re just not cutting it.
With Godzilla on a nuclear energy binge, Kong is dealing with a toothache that sends him on a quest to see his “human dentist.” Yes, you read that right. Enter Trapper, who’s basically Ace Ventura with dental skills for Titans. And that’s just scratching the surface of the insanity.
Kong, who resides in Hollow Earth, finds a passage to the depths of Hollower Hollow Earth, where he meets a baby version of his species and faces off against a new foe, Skar King, who’s name seems to be was stolen straight from The Lion King. Skar King is the ruthless emperor of an army made up by malnourished, losing hair, and thin Subterranean Titan Apes, once promising to bring them to the surface, now in a dark, volcanic, firey prison. So yes, literally the origin story of Scar from The Lion King. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention Skar King’s biggest weapon, an all powerful ice dragon straight out of How to Train Your Dragon, specifically the second one, with Skar King standing in the role as Drago Bludvist. Known as an ancient Titan, Shimo, is imprisioned by the Skar King by a magical rod on the end of some kind of dragon spine. Yeah, things get wild.
But hold on, before you think it couldn’t get weirder, Shimo actually hits Kong with an ice blast, which gives him major frostbite. Trapper (Ace) gets Kong JUICED up with a robotic arm and a magical substance. Ditching his “natty” status, Kong goes to find Godzilla and bring him to the Hollower Hollow Earth. Sparks fly as the two Titans engage in a massive Wrestlemania-style event, with a nod to Bloodsport, Godzilla throws sand into Kong’s eyes. The epic showdown between Godzilla and Kong absolutely levels Cairo and the Great Pyramids (never to be mentioned again) but Mothra stops Godzilla from finishing off Kong and guiding them below.
So who would’ve thought, going into Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, I would be watching a Dragon Ball Z, God of War, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Lion King, How to Train Your Dragon movie? That’s bang for your buck right there.
Skar King and Shimo find their way to the surface world and take the fight to Rio de Janeiro, attempting to freeze the sky and the city in the process. The Titans clash, flattening everything in sight. As the battle rages on, the casualties mount, with the killing of an estimated billion people across this film (never to be mentioned), somehow, the foes of Godzilla and Kong save the world.
Now, let’s talk about why those human characters drop it a rating. They’re as cheesy as a pizza loaded with extra cheese, as forced as a square peg in a round hole, and about as funny as a funeral. Every line feels as predictable as the sun rising in the east, and characters like Trapper take the cake for over-the-top antics. Once the fighting scenes ended and we had to listen to people’s conversations, I felt my head start to nod off. So I had to drop a point from what was an entertaining, literally out of this world (but actually under it) movie.
In the end, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire delivers on the action and spectacle, but it’s dragged down by its human elements. It’s a blow-it-up-and-don’t-ask-questions kind of movie, perfect for a mindless monster mayhem marathon.
